i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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