Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
zippers are such a cool invention
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
