i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
