Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
