The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize