At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
