When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
