Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
These tits shall not be calmed
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
