those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
