Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
