his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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