My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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