All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
