Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
