pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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