dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
