Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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