i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
