You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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