Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
