I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
