so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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