Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
