i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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