I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
