well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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