he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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