can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
