and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
