I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
