Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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