Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
