What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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