highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
