There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
