who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
it glows. i had to have it.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
