why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
