he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
