you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
