Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I want a musical about memes.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
