Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
