you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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