stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
