My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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