It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
