we have officially mastered the walk of shame
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
