It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
