I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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