I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
