Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
