Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
