I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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