Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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